


Home-Brewed, Self Administered Poison

by princecaviar



Category: Fallen Hero Series - Malin Rydén, Fallen Hero: Rebirth (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Confessions, Honestly I tagged hurt/comfort but it's mostly just hurt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Male Doctor Mortum, Male Puppet, Male Sidestep - Freeform, Necessary Conversations, Self-Hatred, Sidestep Tells Mortum the Truth, That's pretty par for the course with Fallen Hero though, Why does everything I write end up like this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-05-20 13:56:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19378078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princecaviar/pseuds/princecaviar
Summary: Aiden has always been self-destructive. A ticking time-bomb, just waiting for everything to fall into place and feel perfect before he ruined everything and left himself in tiny, shattered pieces on the ground with no one to put him back together again. His relationship with Dr Mortum is no different.





	Home-Brewed, Self Administered Poison

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [what bitter yet delicious wine, my love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17418443) by [dietrick](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dietrick/pseuds/dietrick). 



> Aiden/Aodhan belong to me, but the rest belongs to Malin.

   Being with Mortum _hurt._ It hurt every time he looked at Aodhan with love in his eyes. It hurt when he called him ‘Mon Cheri’. It hurt when he touched Aodhan, ever so gently, as though he was afraid that he’d shatter to pieces. And _god_ , it hurt so much when he told Aodhan that he loved him. But Aiden kept going anyway, kept up the pretense of being two different people. Pretended like he was okay, like he didn’t want to just come out with the truth, like he didn’t feel horrible guilt coursing through his veins every time the doctor called him Aodhan.

   But he couldn’t. He was too far, now. His chance had passed a long time ago, and now he was in love with a man who would never know who he really was. So he pretended that it didn’t hurt, that he wasn’t slowly coming undone, that he was fine. And it worked for a while. For a few months. But the ache became too much to bear.

   “Mon chéri? Are you alright?” Dr. Mortum asks, concern leaking into his voice. He had a right to be concerned- Aodhan was a mess. He hadn’t bothered to take a shower that morning, and his face was still stained with tears from the night before. He looks more tired than ever. Nevertheless, he manages to summon up a small smile (The one that was just for the doctor, the one that always managed to find a way to slip onto his face when he was around Mortum, the one that Ortega had gently teased him about the few times he'd caught Aiden with it when he was thinking about the doctor), though it fades away quickly.

   “No, I’m not,” he says. “But that doesn’t matter. I-We need to talk,” he says, voice breaking a little as he stumbles over the last sentence. And god, he can almost _see_  Mortum’s mind at work, thoughts flickering rapidly in and out as he tries to figure out what the conversation will be ahead of time.

   “What’s going on, mon chéri?” he asks, voice as soft as before, though now it contains just a hint of panic, buried so deep that if Aiden hadn't come to know him so intimately over the past few months he never would have been able to pick it up. (He was so good at hiding his emotions when he felt the need to, so unlike Aiden who felt like a mess so much of the time.) Aiden took a deep, shuddering breath, steeling himself.

   “I-I’ve been lying to you,” he admits, squeezing his eyes shut to stop the tears that were already threatening to spill. “I’m not who you think I am. I- God, how do I even explain this? My boss and I are the same person.”

   “That’s not possible, mon chéri. I’ve seen you in the same place together. I don’t understand.”

   “It was just me,” Aiden says, voice quiet. “One mind. Two bodies. I- Fuck." He stops for a moment, takes a deep breath, and continues. "I’m not explaining this right. This body, the one you’re talking to right now, it’s not… alive. I found him, Aodhan, years ago. He was in a hospital, in a coma. No brain activity, no anything. He was breathing, his heart was beating, but any trace of the person he was before was gone. I needed a face that I could present to other people. A mask. Someone with charisma and charm. So… I took him.” Aiden looks down, wrapping his arms around himself, before continuing to speak, terrified to let the doctor get a word in, terrified of the crushing pain he knew was coming.

   "I met up with you as Aodhan because he was my face in the underworld, my liaison. And then you started flirting with him and I never meant for it to go so far, but the next thing I knew I was falling for you so fast it made my head spin. And everything was  _fine_ and we were _happy,_ but every time you called me Aodhan it hurt so much I could physically  _feel_ it. I knew I had to tell you the truth, even though it's going to crush me because you mean so god-damn much to me, and the idea of continuing to lie to you hurts even worse." Aiden can't look at him, can't see the anger and hurt that he _knows_ is there, just keeps his eyes squeezed shut and keeps talking.

   "I wish I could have done this right from the start." He laughs humorlessly. "Not that I would have ever _dared_ as myself. But as Aodhan... I was braver. And look at what I've done." He can feel the tears running down his face, and he fights to keep his voice steady. "I fell in love with you like an idiot. And you fell in love with me too, but it's all been a fucking  _lie_." He's quietly sobbing now, choking the words out in between breaths. "And I realized that I had to tell you because every time you said you loved me felt like a punch in the gut because  _you don't love me._ You love Aodhan but _I'm not him_."

   "Who are you, then?" The doctor's voice is shaking slightly, not enough for it to be really noticeable. A part of Aiden is screaming to go fix it, go help him but he  _can't_ because he isn't allowed. Only Aodhan was ever allowed that close, and Aiden's done more than burn that bridge- he ruined it so badly there wasn't any hope of fixing it.

   "I know you know who I am, doc," he says quietly, tears finally abating. "You're too smart not to."

   "Aiden Charvet," The doctor says, his accent making Aiden's last name sound  _right_ for the first time since the criminals masquerading as scientists had given it to him. "Bitter Angel."

   "You're always right," Aiden says, finally opening his eyes up again. Mortum's face is a swirl of different emotions, too many for Aiden to make out. "I was worried about that, at first. That you would figure out the truth." A bitter smile finds it's way onto Aiden's face. "Guess I shouldn't have worried, huh?"

   "Why now?" Hearing no emotion in the doctor's voice would be so much better than hearing it broken. Aiden wants so desperately to fix it.

   "Because as selfish as I am, I know we can't keep going like this forever," Aiden says. His voice is solid now, with nothing to show of the breakdown he'd had before but the tears still staining his face. "Every time you say- _said_ that you love- _loved_  Aodhan it hurt worse than I could have ever imagined. And it just got worse and worse until hearing you say that felt like it was going to tear me in two. So really," he laughed bitterly, "the whole reason we're here is because I'm a selfish bastard who has to ruin everything he has."

   There was a beat of silence between them that seemed to stretch into forever.

   "Aiden," the doctor said carefully, still just a little shakey. Aiden felt a flash of white-hot guilt in his chest at the sound. That was his fault. Why couldn't he have just left well enough alone? "This is... a lot to take in all at once. I need time. To think."

   "Of course."

   "A week." The doctor's words are firm, and Aiden can feel hope fluttering to life in his chest. "I'll call you in a week, and we can discuss this again."

   "Okay."

   He only glances back once as he leaves. The doctor is already muttering things to himself, scribbling things down on various pieces of paper. Aiden's chest aches and he doesn't look back again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title is from Let Me Down Slowly by Alex Benjamin


End file.
